Friday, April 1, 2011

Where to Begin

This post will have different topics that have been on my heart and mind lately.
Forgiveness
The past several months at Teams we have been watching a video series called Laughing Your Way to a Better Marriage (highly recommend it to all married couples). The last session talked a little on forgiveness and for many reasons it is relevant to my life currently.
Forgiveness is an act..
-not an erasure of the memory
-it’s not emotional
-it means “I forgive you. I will not bring it up again, use it against you or bring it up to you or anyone else.”
Breaking Heart
After a phone conversation with Jenny Childress last night I cried for about two hours straight. Not because of anything she did or said but because of a blog she gave me the address to. This poor sweet girl lost her baby girl to SIDS. Every day she wrote about it, her emotions, etc. I had to go all the way back to the beginning. I couldn’t just jump in. I bawled like a baby. My heart breaks for her. My heart breaks for all who have ever lost a child born or unborn. Why? How? God?
I worry for me and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t think like that-the worst. But I do. Why is that my nature? Why haven’t I learned that worrying is a sin and I shouldn’t do it? Will something happen because of this sin that has such a hold on me? Do you see how the devil gets to me? UGH!!!
I get a little bit stronger….she writes about how even on her weakest days she gets a little bit stronger. I can relate-not in losing a child-but in another way. I prayed for her all night and will always continue too. Her story is with me now. This morning I got in the car and guess what song was on the radio??? That song-“I get a little bit stronger”. I cried for her. I want to send her this song, though I’m sure she has already heard it.
Held by Natalie Grant
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
[Repeat Chorus]
I’m praying for you Kelli. You don’t know why yet, but one day you will.
Jealousy/Envy
I’m not sure what the appropriate title for this section should be…
I feel like I have been feeling this way lately. It’s not right but I have. Why? I wonder? Jobs, clothes, house, house decor, the list could go on. I love all my friends dearly. I think it is a passing feeling since this is not normally how I roll!
Lord help us all! J
I should probably stop here..

3 comments:

Jill said...

I love you girl!! And I'm praying for you! Thanks for sharing your heart. :)

Jenny Helm said...

amen and amen.. thanks for this post. we can see a little deeper into YOU!

besos.

Jenny C said...

Just cried while reading this and I pray for Kelli all of the time. I didn't mean for you to worry by reading her blog. I just k ow that that sweet lady and her dear husband need prayers. And also the baby sitter . I can't imagine. I'm jealous of everyone who has lost a pound in the last week and made that I'm stuck on 180. Isn't it dumb how Satan can grab us? But really he can't! he has no power over me and I'm in control of my thoughts :) I love you so much and can't wait til your off for the summer so we can spend more time together again.

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